When you look at me, I can hardly breathe

Well I got a new job. I was interviewed yesterday and the lady liked me so much she hired me today and I start tomorrow and work straight through til Saturday. It's a portrait studio, so I get to do what I love, work with kids and take pictures. What could be better? It's only part time, but if she can offer me more hours, I'll quit Tim Horton's until mum's company also hires me part time... which they will hopefully do!
I'm off Tim Horton's this week. Sprained my back last Tues so I can't life anything heavy, and I lift heavy stuff there all the time. So Im off til Mon which is a nice little vacation.
Got my whole credit situation for school straightened out yesterday. He gave me 9 maturity credits, so now I have 26. I have to get four more and Im taking computers right now and Gr 12 computers in Jan. Then Ill get two correspondence and voila, high school diploma by next May 2005!
Then what I have no clue. I wanna do so much. I wanna go into photography, I wanna make movies, I wanna be a counselor for children, and about half a dozen other things Im considering. Mostly, I think, I wanna make movies. I have so many ideas, I wanna direct, write, produce, be behind the lense... capture everything. Hmm... well we'll see what happens.
Had my sister's surprise party on Sat. It was okay. My mum and I worked real hard on getting it ready for her, but I kinda felt outta place around a bunch of 16 year olds, so I left a couple hrs in. I always feel... inferior in a crowd. Like everyone is better then me. Especially around young pretty people. *sigh* I wish I was someone else.
ooh creepy... Im babysitting right now for Alicia and it's just me and her here and Im scared for some reason. She's in bed but I keep hearing things. I hate being the only adult in a house at night. Eeeek... k Im getting off the comp. Her mum is home soon anyway.

Not much to say
Just wanna say Im still alive.

Take all the pain inside you, wash it away

My mummy may be getting me a job at her store. I hope hope HOPE so anyway. Im getting sick of my job. I got lecured for "joking around" with my friends there... like fellow staff members who are friends, get the assisstant manager constantly jokes and talks bad and all that. I get in trouble for working hard and getting mad at others who don't... apparently it's okay to work slow if you're doing a good job... yet we're all about "speed of service" like hello! LOL.
Ya so... I don't wanna quit really... unless I have another job lined up. However if they yell at me again Im basically gonna say "if you wanna fire me, then fire me. If not, let me just go back and do my job" I don't care how they react to that... lol.
It's too bad too cuz I like a lot of the people I work with there... altho a lot of them are students and because of school I only work with them the odd weekend now. Kel has gone to part time and may quit soon enough so...
Anywho babble babble...

Happiness

I wanna be happy, I truely do... but there is something stopping me and I don't know what. I am almost never happy, 99% of the time I'm a bitch. Sometimes I act like a bitch even when Im in kind of a good mood... which ticks people off around me and makes me upset. I don't know why I can't be happy. Maybe I wanna punish myself because I think Im worthless?
Its weird too, cuz Ive found I am comminicating with people a lot more recently... and because I haven't really been friendly with people, like "hung out" and shit in years and years... I am actually out of practice if you can believe it. When I talked to Kel on the phone the other day, I almost couldn't get anything out. And when I try and have, like, a NORMAL conversation with someone outside my family, I just end up sounding like an idiot and I can't express myself like a regular human being. Can you actually BELIEVE someone can forget how to socialize?? I have... yipes.
Oh hey, on a plus note, I kind of got complimented today. A customer who came in the store told Kellie I had nice boobs... or something like that. Weird... but a little flattering. He's like 45 tho, and I do like SOME older guys... but Im not at all attracted to this guy. Plus he's dating a woman who use to work at our store, and I like her so...
But ya, lol. I haven't had a member of the opposite sex compliment me since... well I was working at DQ and this security guy, who was TOTALLY not my type, kept hanging around me and wanted a threesome with another girl who worked near by... and one time in the hall to the storage area at work he asked if he could kiss me... which kinda creeped me and Im like "no...."
Those aren't really compliments... but he was obviously interested. But before THAT I think my ex Dewald complimented me once or twice? I can't remember. I know Taylor did. Taylor was an awesome bf. I miss him... =(
Taylor Davies... if you're out there... Call me! :p
Annnnnnnnnywho Im just gonna wrap things up here now! Latah.

yoyoyo

Long time no bitch eh? Well, not that long... but I haven't blogged in a bit. Haven't felt like it much. But oh well.
Im playing hooky from work today. Just did not feel like going. We had a work meeting yesterday which was tres fun. *rolls eyes* But Kel wasn't there as the backup I needed so I basically kept my mouth shut the whole meeting, didn't smile, and only spoke when I had to bloody defend myself. Oh, the life and quarrels of a Timmy's girl.
So I ended up staying up til 2am last night yakking at Carole, which is amazing for me cuz I can't usually stay up past 11pm anymore! We had a good talk, it was fun. Her and Kel are awesome and it feels weird to have friends after so long without them. Real nice tho!
So ya, then I got up at 10 this morning. Kel called on her break and told me to feel better... hehe. I think she was being sarcastic cuz Im not really SICK... just kinda depressed.
Anywho in about half an hr Im gonna take my brother over to Bennie's to get registered for school then Im gonna take him to Subway. Yumm.
I just gotta get off my lazy ass and get dressed and walk my doggie who's crossing her poor little legs!
Okie... Im off to start my day!